She Made Me Cry Today and It Was the Sweetest Sadness Ever…

I wonder what makes me cry when I see her innocent, brooding, thoughtful face, her kind eyes and gentle, shy smile. I cry for her softness that the world will undoubtedly seek to toughen with gleeful cruelty. I cry for the innocence and gentleness in me that stole away somewhere like a victim flees a war-torn country as I battled the forces that demanded I restructure who I was.

I cry that I can not protect the innocent of the world. That all the prayers I make, the rosaries I read, the heartfelt rushes of love I feel will do nothing to stave off the forces that will tear asunder the souls of innocents. That my sadness is in vain. Perhaps it is a sign of lack of trust in the Divine, who through trials brings us all to surrender and submission. I want the sweet to remain untarnished,untrammeled by this world.

Yet I know that nothing but soul-sifting in the sieve of this world can find out the inner gold of a human spirit - and I must submit to the wisdom of this even if I can’t bear the thought of the pain. The One who subjects us to this suffering is also who holds the wounded in His loving hand–is all Knowledge, all Power and all Mercy too. My love for creation is as limited as I am in all ways, but I yearn to be an echo of God’s Infinite Mercy in this world. To know, be wise in the light of a loving knowing, and yet strive to preserve the awe and wonder that shines in the eyes of the child in all of us.

I am too unsubtle to be illuminated by any such Divine wisdom. But the heart in me is a bucking, raring creature who wants innocence and illumination both, avaricious thing that it is!

But is such an ask above my spiritual standing? Is such a thing even possible? Ya Rabb!

Holding my heart these days and sending love to anyone who needs it,

Peace,

Asifa